Lots of discipline? Shield them from questionable tv shows and movies? Raise them with a faith in god and bible morals?
I had ALL those things and I was basically a criminal from the age of 14 till 25. Bad as hell.
Our son, Seamus? Straight A's, very respectful to adults, honest, well behaved, no back-talk, no curses slipping out.
But we don't take him to church. We don't make him say "yes ma'am, no sir" like everyone does here in the south. (I don't think that's necessary to be respectful. That's MY culture and they need to respect it like I do theirs.)
We let him watch pretty much everything on tv, minus extremely violent stuff like Saw or whatever. His favorite show is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He can watch scary movies and go to bed right afterward because he's been thoroughly taught that that stuff isn't real. There's no such thing as ghosts. They're actors in front of a camera and he knows that.
When a pet dies, he knows it dies. That's probably it. End of story. It's not "with jesus." He's fine with that. He knows I believe when we die... we die. And he's okay with that. He was never sold a fairy tale, so he doesn't need one. He's taught to appreciate the life we have and treat every day like a blessing, not a miserable stepping stone to something better. He knows to celebrate life and to not live in fear, begging for forgiveness for something he didn't do. We don't tell him reality is not real just to sell him some fantasy candy land. This IS candy land!
My point is this: I watch all these parents here in the south... They're pretty much all very strict. "Yes ma'am" BETTER come out of their kids' mouths or they'll "whoop their hides." Watching movies or tv shows with curses or nudity is completely out of the question. (Soldiers murdering people? That's fine. But a titty shot? "Shield your eyes!" O-o) A LOT of them put their kids to bed at 7:30. 7:30!!! 7, 8, 9 year olds! That's very common here. They ALL take their kids to church and church related activities. Everything revolves around church here.
So WHY are they not better behaved, or WAY worse, than Seamus? WHY is there so much crime and drug use here? They were all raised the same way, so it should be a utopia. All this discipline and constant moral teaching isn't doing anything. It's actually a lot worse than most parts of the county, and all the statistics prove that. Conventional thinking says Seamus should be a disrespectful, foul mouthed brat. But he's the opposite. He's not perfect, but nobody is. He's IS in the top, say, 95% as far as behavior and grades, though. So what's up?
My theory below the fold....
My theory:
1) Telling your kids that they're born sinners, there's nothing they can do about it and all they have to do is repent if they "sin" is counterproductive. Why tell them they're bad? "Beg for forgiveness?" For what? That creates a mentality of "It's not my fault. It's the devil's." If people can do whatever they want, no matter who it hurts, and then just say "I'm sorry," why be good? Remember, "you're born bad." Might as well indulge in whatever you want. Screw everyone else. Your going to say sorry and live in candy land forever! Smh.
2) NOBODY can live up to the bible's teachings and laws. It's impossible. When I was a teenager, I knew I could never do all that stuff in the bible. I was a teenager! And I was taught - as the bible says - that the end was coming any day now. (That was 25 years ago, btw.) So I had a "go for broke" attitude. "If I'm going to be destroyed any day now, I might as well go out with a bang." All my non-religious friends were having fun, but in moderation. Not me. I tried everything. And I mean ev-reh-theh-nng. It wasn't until my mid-twenties when, after countless hours of research in physics, evolution, etc., that I finally became at peace. Then I wanted to do the right thing because it was the right thing, not because I feared being destroyed or not getting my permanent vacation to la la land.
And don't get me started on all the baby killing, pregnant women stabbing, slavery and the hundreds of other disgusting, sick, depraved things in the bible. You won't let your kid watch music videos but you'll let them read THAT???
3) Bad kids are bad, good kids are good. Jeffery Dahmer was going to be Jeffery Dahmer no matter how many wonderful lessons his mother instilled. Sure, you can guide them along, but a spade is a spade. Don't try to force it or you'll force them away. The best way to keep a bird from flying away is a gentle cradle. Too tight a grip and you'll crush it, too loose and it'll fly away.
4) Don't treat your kid like they're a lesser being.
"What did you say?! Can you have lunch?!' Can you have lunch... ?"
"Sorry. Can I have lunch, sir?"
"That's better. Don't make me get that ass."
What?! What are you some kinda tough guy? Does your kid owe you something? Are they in the same class as the dog? All that does - from what I've seen - is cause a divide between you and them. It creates a "us versus them" mentality. They're perfect angels around the parents, but when they're around only other children they go off. They let off steam. Beat em all you want, but they'll be out of your sight sooner or later. I don't make my kids bow to me, and they respect me as much or more than any of these super-strict parents I see down here. There's a balance. "All or nothing" never works.
Anyway... I'm tired of typing on my phone. My point is that maybe some of us should reconsider this mold of what good parenting is. Seamus is the perfect case study to flip most people's idea of what proper parenting is. He'll be prepared for life and what life REALLY is. He won't need a crutch. He'll know doing the right thing is the right thing because it's common sense. He won't live in fear of an invisible, evil man. He won't see the human body as "icky." He won't view sex as a perversion. He'll be just fine. And without us or him suffering constant beatings, scoldings or "you better do it or the invisible man will get ya!" rolling eyes